Letters to the Editor: ‘There is always someone in my homeland who is dying’ — a Ukrainian on life during the war

To the editor: As a Ukrainian living in Los Angeles, I wish this letter never had to be written.

In February 2022, when Russia had started its full-scale assault on Ukraine’s existence, I wrote a letter to the L.A. Times about “Shchedryk” (known as “Carol of the Bells” in much of the world) casting the song by Ukrainian composer Mykola Leontovych as not only my homeland’s cry for help, but also a beacon of hope. I think back to that version of myself, and I cannot relate to her.

Today, my smartwatch notifies me of air-raid alerts in cities where my loved ones live. The horrific “ping” sends me to googling to find out what happened. Are these “just” drones, or is it a ballistic missile attack? If it’s the former, are they Kinzhal or Iskander missiles?

My 2025 self knows so many military terms, yet I lack simple words to talk about feelings — to answer the question, “How have you been?” from non-Ukrainians.

But since you asked, I’m fine. It’s just that my cousin is currently at the front line. I call him “Little One.” He’s two years younger than me, but he put together a will several months ago. Little One has a will.

A few days ago, he texted me back after not responding for a month. That was a good day.

Shortly after I heard from Little One, there was a huge attack on Odesa. My other cousin and his 2-year-old daughter live there. He is an engineer who works for the local gas company. He responded that they were fine.

But last New Year’s Eve, he was on the street during an attack on Odesa. A missile from temporarily occupied Crimea literally passed above his head. His 14-year-old neighbor was killed.

There is always someone in my homeland who is dying. I feel I do not deserve to be asked, “How are you?”

But to give people the courtesy of an answer, I am armed with devastating pictures on my phone. I still lack words. How do I explain to non-Ukrainians that this will be truly the last war, the last peaceful days on Earth if there is no justice for Ukraine?

I wish I could bring you the hope of “Shchedryk.” But this time, all I have are notifications from air-raid alerts.

Victoria Pidlisetska, Los Angeles